Is life too easy?
Bear with me - my thoughts are running wild today!
In my new drive to be positive, I’m really trying to analyse why I’m not positive. I’ve got everything and so why am I not skipping down the road every day, singing songs and strewing flowers? Ash’s blog made me think a lot about motivation. If I really want to lose these last few pounds, if I really want to be in amazing shape - why don’t I just get out and run, or bike, or whatever? Why am I constantly unhappy with the way I look? As one of three girls in my family, I was always the pretty one, the slim one. One of my sisters was the intelligent one, the other the active, outdoorsy one. So, now as I get older I’ve got to keep fighting hard to be the pretty one and the slim one, otherwise, I’m nothing - right? It’s stupid but I know that I need other people to admire me. I hate my wrinkles, my roll of fat on my stomach, my veins in my hands, my cellulite. I’m sure it won’t be long before I have some kind of cosmetic surgery - Botox, face lift. But why? If I’m so concerned with the way I look, why don’t I run every day? I always feel great afterwards and it would improve everything about me. Am I lazy? Am I not really as concerned as I think? I don’t know!
So often, I feel totally overwhelmed with things even though my life is quite easy. I work 80%, I have two kids and a dog. So I have many of the things that most women have to deal with. I have a husband who is a lot more helpful than many others, I have a cleaning lady one morning a week, I have enough money, no one is sick in my family. Am I just easily stressed? I read other people’s blogs and I think - how can they deal with these things! I try to support them, but I’m amazed by their strength! I’m stunned by the fact that others are losing 10, 20 50 pounds and I can’t even lose 5!
My husband is always saying that our kids are going to suffer in the real world because their lives are so easy. He’s afraid the first challenge they have will kill them. Maybe that’s how it is for me. I’ve never had to learn how to deal with problems. I’ve never had to be strong so I am weak. I’ve always relied on others to be there for me and to help me - my father, my husband. Would I survive without them?
Anyway, my thoughts are running wild, as I said and I was hoping to come to some amazing conclusion, but I haven’t. Maybe, my conclusion is that I need to set a serious challenge for myself and not talk about it, not get any help from others, but just do it….mmm….. (to be continued…)
XML Feed
Running wild indeed! I enjoy reading this almost stream-of-consciousness type of honesty. One thing it always does is remind me that no matter what people have to lose everyone has their own issues to overcome.
Based on just this post it seems like your goals for weight loss (and your current challenge) are orientated around looks. Being pretty and slim because you think it will please others. This probably gets into psychological territory that is waaaaaay over my head.
Have you considered shifting these goals away from weight loss for the sake of being pretty and slim, towards something more orientated around fitness or wellness? So maybe a challenge like running a half marathon or swimming a certain distance or whatever you like doing for exercise might work better as a personal challenge that you’d be doing for yourself, rather than something you are doing to meet other people’s perception of you.
I find it really hard to believe that the only thing you have to offer the world is being ‘the pretty one’.
Sometimes I think that we get so caught up in living up to the lables that people put on us that we lose our desire to figure out who we really are.
Maybe that’s why you are sabatoging yourself, maybe you’re tired of feeling like your physical apperance is the best quality you have.
I see how compassionate and empathetic you are. I wish that you would have a little more faith in yourself and your inner strength.
You are a mother….by definition that means you could move mountains if you had to.
I agree with Erika..you are a mom..that makes you strong right there.
not everyone has to face tough times in life to be strong..
Love your honesty, Lily. Makes me think, and I’m grateful for all my buddies keeping my motivation strong!
Wow, this was deep and it got me to thinking….in fact, I am still thinking. It’s funny you wrote about this because I am dealing with this in my DS’s life. He seems to take for granted the wonderful vacations we take him on and all we do for him. Seems like nothing exites him anymore. This is a wondeful blog, very thought-provoking!